


Too Old for This Shit

by Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold (manka)



Series: Setting the World on Fire: One-shots from The (Modern AU) Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Modern Thedas, Party, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Tension, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26331637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manka/pseuds/Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold
Summary: Varric Tethras is too old to deal with the Dwarven Financiers Union, but it's a bit more bearable when Maria Cadash is around to cause trouble.
Relationships: Female Cadash/Varric Tethras, Female Inquisitor/Varric Tethras, Maria Cadash/Varric Tethras - Relationship
Series: Setting the World on Fire: One-shots from The (Modern AU) Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896766
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Too Old for This Shit

He knew he was in trouble when she emerged from the bedroom wearing _that_ little black dress. Oh, it was _perfectly_ modest and reasonable, he was sure. At least, it would be on anyone that _wasn’t_ Maria Cadash. Black silk hugged her generous curves, stretched tight over her lush thighs, emphasizing her amble chest, scooped neckline offering more than just a look at her perfect cleavage. 

She’d been ripped from the cover of every dirty magazine he hoarded as a teenager. Varric was a _lucky_ man. Especially when that sultry smile softened as she applied her lipstick in the mirror, catching him staring in the back of the cab. 

“Want a picture?” She asked, raising one freckled shoulder and fluttering her lashes artfully. One unruly red curl escaped the mused bun to frame her face. Varric’s fingers itched to curl it around his fingers, to trail his rough palms over the delicate beads decorating that dress, to pull the zipper in the back down nice and slow… 

“You look far too beautiful for this pit of vipers, Princess.” Wasn’t _that_ the truth. Varric hadn’t brought a woman to one of these endless cocktail parties since… well, since him and Bianca crashed Bartrand’s. But he was invited, and much to their shared amusement, so was she. 

Which still wasn’t enough reason to go until they saw the address on it. 

“We get in. We let Bianca hack into their computer network. Get the records I want that prove Dace is behind those weapons flooding into Orlais…” Maria snapped her mirror closed with a cheerful wink. “Then we go home and you can cut me out of this contraption, Serah. I feel like I can’t even _breathe.”_

He certainly couldn’t, but that was par for the course. He’d been breathless since she tumbled into his life. He captured her fingers in his, calloused still even a year after the fighting was over, and kissed the tips of them. Her eyes blew dark immediately. “Anything you want, Princess.” 

The cab was slowing, circling the ostentatious apartment building. Varric pulled several folded bills from his wallet and passed them forward while the driver stopped. Maria paused, a quick flicker of anxiety dancing over her features. 

“You don’t have to do this.” He reminded her gently. “I’ll go in alone. I’m used to the sharks.” 

“It’ll be easier if I’m a shiny distraction and we both know it.” Maria huffed, opening her cab door before she could change her mind. “Let’s go, Tethras.” 

Somebody, and he had a solid idea any member of the Dwarven Financier’s Union would have done it, leaked that the Inquisitor herself was attending this shindig. That was the only explanation for the swarm of paparazzi crowding the entrance, cameras flashing as soon as Maria emerged. 

“Inquisitor!” 

“Inquisitor, over here!” 

“Inquisitor Cadash, do you have any thoughts on the Antivan-” 

“The human rights commission-” 

“Does attending this party with Mister Tethras confirm-” 

“Have you received the petition from-” 

Maria plastered that feigned, camera-ready smile over her features. It was all practiced artifice mixed with her natural charisma and two years worth of trained poise. “I don’t have any comments tonight. Just here for a party.” She purred, making sure her face pointed toward every camera. 

Varric slipped silently behind the back of the cab, slipping behind her in the place he preferred to occupy, just behind her left elbow. He pulled on his own smile as Maria navigated the reporters with the same steely resolve she reserved for staring down demons and war criminals. 

_Andraste,_ if she were anymore impressive. 

Before he could even draw a proper breath, the doorman was ushering them in apologetically and shoving them in an elevator. Maria handed over her clutch to him as soon as the door shut, tugging the hem of the dress down. 

He popped the purse open and grabbed his earpiece from within, popping it in place. “Bianca?” 

“Network security is as suspected, but the program on the USB device will be adequate to override it.” The AI answered. 

Varric sighed and took the USB drive from within, snapping the bag closed and handing it back to Maria. “I’m gonna have to go hunting for their server.” 

“Well, it wasn’t like we thought it’d be _very_ easy.” Maria reminded him. 

True. But he _hated_ the idea of leaving her at the mercy of greedy, stinking bastards while he took himself off to do what needed to be done. He couldn’t even risk reaching for her now, not in an elevator where any camera could be watching their every movement. 

“I’ll be as quick as I can.” Varric promised instead. 

Her lips quirked up. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

xx

Thirty minutes for him to find their server. Another ten for Bianca to shred it’s security to pieces. Five more before he was staring at all of Dace’s shady weapons dealing on his phone. Well, at least this whole ordeal was worth it. 

Which didn’t stop his gut from dropping when he reappeared. 

Maria, of course, captured quite a crowd of the Dwarven Union’s _very_ worst. They hung on her words, feigning interest, but even he could see the smug self-importance behind their glassy eyes. Maria had the rough way of speaking that the regular people loved, the streets of Ostwick on the tip of her tongue, but the snobs of the Union counted it against her. The same way her hair would never be quite right, her dress never the right length, her neckline either too high or too low. 

She was here for the cameras outside. Here for the glamour she gave, here for the entertainment like a shark at an aquarium. _They_ thought they were safe with her in that pretty beaded dress, hiding behind that false smile. 

As if that wasn’t enough to make his blood boil, Dace himself lifted a hand to her shoulder and placed one possessive hand on it, like he’d acquired a new prized possession and couldn’t _wait_ to show it off, his too loud laugh booming. 

“Bianca, call her.” Varric ordered, watching with a darkly furious gaze. Maria slipped from the heavy hand, smile frozen like a mouth full of daggers. She wasn’t wearing heels, Maria _never_ wore heels, but that didn’t lessen the impact as she slammed her stylish flat down on Dace’s Antivan leather loafers. 

_Atta girl._

On cue, her phone began to ring. “Oh!” Maria chirped too sweetly. “Sorry, one moment.” 

He turned quickly, making his way to the door. “Tell her to meet me at the elevator.” 

He couldn’t look at them anymore. Didn’t want to be here either. He pulled his own practiced smile, murmured words of greeting he barely understood but mollified the stiff figures he passed. 

“Balls.” Maria’s voice muttered from behind him almost immediately after he pushed the button. “You really _can’t_ take me anywhere, can you?” 

She fell into place besing ide him, keeping the careful distance they always kept in public. It was safer this way. For both of them.

He hated that too. 

“Bianca, you’ve got the cameras?” He asked tersely. 

“All eighty-two of them.” Bianca answered. “Would you like them turned off?” 

“Yes.” He ordered at the same Maria began speaking again. 

“If she does, tell her I want the footage of me stomping on Dace’s foot. Sera will love it.” Maria continued, wrinkling her nose. “The whole _hour_ he kept hitting on me. He’s old enough to be my father. _Deshyrs.”_

He wasn’t old enough to be her father, thank the Maker, but he had a decade on her. Which was something he _really_ didn’t want to examine too closely. He shot her a chagrined look. “He quite possibly could be your grandfather, Princess. You shoulda broke his arm.”

“Can you imagine Josie trying to smooth that over?” She asked with a wistful sigh. 

The doors slid open and they both ran inside, hitting the door shut button at the same time. Maria laughed, catching his eyes as they shut on the hallway, blotting out the sound of the blighted party. “Honestly, I’m surprised we lasted an hour.” 

Her eyes sparkled with mirth and he couldn’t help himself. He slammed the elevator stop button with his fist and turned in one smooth movement, pinning her up against the elevator wall, her laughter turning smoky as she twisted her arms around his neck. “What are you _doing?”_

 _“_ I love you.” He murmured capturing her lips in a slow, easy kiss as his hands slid up her soft curves, gripping them tightly. 

“Aren’t we a bit old for this?” Maria asked, but her form was already arching into his like she needed him as much as he needed her. 

“I _am_ old.” He repeated. Certainly too old to be dealing with damn union anymore, but here he was. “I’m also a selfish bastard and…” 

He brushed that curl from her face, pressing his thumb against her hammering pulse. “And I really, _really_ love you.” 

“I know.” Maria grinned. “I love you too. And…” 

She leaned into him, nipping at the lobe of his ear before whispering. “I don’t think you’re too old to fuck me in an elevator.” 

**Author's Note:**

> FINE DWARVEN CHEST HAIR DIRECT FROM KIRKWALL AT [@cartadwarfwithaheartofgold](http://cartadwarfwithaheartofgold.tumblr.com)


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